Sometimes women are not very understanding..

23 01 2009

..the report was obviously very important..

This made me laugh..

22 01 2009

Ah, the Sixties…

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

‘Oh, come on in!’ Sue’s mother said as she welcomed Fred in. ‘Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Tea?’

‘Tea, please,’ Fred said. Mum brought the tea..

‘So, what are you and Sue planning to do tonight?’ she asked.

‘Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the Wimpy Bar, maybe take a walk on the beach…’

‘Sue likes to screw, you know,’ Mum informed him.

‘Really?’ Fred replied; eyebrows rose.

‘Oh yes,’ the mother continued. ‘When she goes out with her friends, that’s all they do!’

‘Is that so?’ asked Fred, incredulous. ‘Yes,’ said the mother. ‘As a matter of fact, she’d screw all night if we let her!’

‘Well, thanks for the tip!’ Fred said as he began thinking about alternative plans for the evening.

A moment later, Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

‘Have fun, kids!’ the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

‘The Twist, Mum!’ she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.

‘The bloody dance is called the Twist!

Hardcore Cave DIving

22 01 2009

A mine dive in deepest darkest Derbyshire..

Extended range cave diving

21 01 2009

“Hello Boy !” greeted me as the door opened and my hand is squeezed to the point of pain.

This is the usual greeting I receive when visiting Martyn Farr at FarrWorld, the home of one of cave diving’s best known and experienced proponents.

It seems like a long time since I first met Martyn, over 3 years now, but he doesn’t really change, still vertically challenged, still as fit as the proverbial butchers dog and still a fascinating and bewitching orator. I first attended his Cavern Course and then progressed through Intro Cave and Full Cave until I was a qualified cave diver… what a scary thought that was.

Tha famous Martyn Farr (and the not so famous me)

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I wish I’d thought of this..

12 01 2009

Those of you who ring me for support..

12 01 2009

..take note !

This made me laugh today…

9 01 2009

A couple wanted to join the church. The vicar told them,
“We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must
abstain from sex for one entire month.”
The couple agreed, but after two and a half weeks returned to the church.
The wife was crying, and the husband was obviously very depressed.
“You are back so soon. Is there a problem?” the vicar inquired.
“We are ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex
one whole month,” the man replied sadly.
The vicar asked what had happened.

“Well, although the first week was difficult we managed to abstain
through willpower. The second week was terrible, but the use of prayer
helped us.
“However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers,
prayer, reading the Bible, anything to keep our minds off carnal
thoughts. But, one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and
dropped it.. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with
lust, and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was
lustful, loud, passionate sex. “It lasted over an hour, and when we
were done, we were both drenched in sweat,” admitted the man, filled
with shame.
The vicar lowered his head and said sternly, “You understand this
means you are not welcome in our church.”
“We know,” said the young man, hanging his head.

“We’re not welcome at Homebase either.”