This made me laugh today…

9 01 2009

A couple wanted to join the church. The vicar told them,
“We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must
abstain from sex for one entire month.”
The couple agreed, but after two and a half weeks returned to the church.
The wife was crying, and the husband was obviously very depressed.
“You are back so soon. Is there a problem?” the vicar inquired.
“We are ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex
one whole month,” the man replied sadly.
The vicar asked what had happened.

“Well, although the first week was difficult we managed to abstain
through willpower. The second week was terrible, but the use of prayer
helped us.
“However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers,
prayer, reading the Bible, anything to keep our minds off carnal
thoughts. But, one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and
dropped it.. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with
lust, and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was
lustful, loud, passionate sex. “It lasted over an hour, and when we
were done, we were both drenched in sweat,” admitted the man, filled
with shame.
The vicar lowered his head and said sternly, “You understand this
means you are not welcome in our church.”
“We know,” said the young man, hanging his head.

“We’re not welcome at Homebase either.”

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New Year – What now ?

9 01 2009

Well who’d a thunk it.. This is my 40th year.

I will be 40

Just thought I’d let that sit there on it’s own so I could look at it.

Thing is, I’m not really bothered. You see movies and TV where people go on about turning 40, but is it really that much of a landmark ? I think it depends on whose eyes you’re looking through. Now I’m looking through 40 year old eyes I don’t think it’s that old !

I found some funny stuff last night when I was tidying up, an old sixth form school report.. doesn’t make pleasant reading…

  • “far too presumptuous and arrogant”
  • “attitude to work is one of indifference”
  • “more serious effort is required”
  • “not learning his work in the depth that will be required”
  • “jeopardise his character and propects”

…should have jumped off then I guess.

Still it hasn’t really stopped me, funny old thing, life

People tell you all this good advice at an age when you’re incapable of absorbing and acting on it (at least I wasn’t), which is obviously the easy route, or you can learn it yourself. I’ve always chosen that route. Thing is, I now find myself doing the same thing to my offspring. Alas all my hard earned knowledge and battle scars are being ignored due to the impetuousness of youth. Fingers crossed for them, of course they could choose the easy route and take some free advice ?

So, what NY resolutions did you make ? I didn’t make any, at least not publicly.. I don’t smoke anymore so that’s not on my list. I do drink too much though, so I’m cutting down on that (notice I didn’t say stopping) and I’m going to make a concerted effort to lose weight by running more often. Stupidly, I’ve signed up for a half-marathon in March so I have something to aim for.. watch this space

The thing I like the most about January is planning holidays.. Options so far are..

  • Snowboarding in Canada
  • Motorbiking in Europe
  • Scapa Flow (again)
  • Red Sea liveaboard
  • Med diving in Italy
  • Cave diving in Dordogne

..not sure which ones of those I will do, hopefully all, but then I’d need 40 days holiday, which I don’t have.

Decisions, decisions

I am going cave diving next weekend though, I plan to take some photos and blog about it – remind me if I don’t..